Brethren! One and all! The most glorious event has befallen the Tribe! The liberation of the workers has occurred in the event known as the 'Liberation Realisation Revolution', thus it is fully known as 'The Liberation Realisation Revolution Revolution of The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Tapirs which henceforth shall be known as 'The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Communist Tapirs''. Such a concise title describes the events of which the tyrannical leaders of the Tribe (whom nobody knows who, not even the Leaders themselves!) have been overthrown and the Equality within the Tribe being raised from 100% to 100.00000000000000000000000000001% (which can be rounded off to 100%)! This massive boom in fraternity, attributed to the coronation of Tapir Communism, can be felt most definitely everywhere, EVEN IN THE ATMOSPHERE (instead of breathing in-out-in-out, the Tapirs now breathe out-in-out after breathing in)!!
As a result of our Communist enlightenment, we have readjusted out goals, which not only is to rid the world of potatoes but FILL THE WORLD WITH TAPIR COMMUNISM!! In response to this liberation, the potatoes have gathered in their battle formations, as shown below in the picture provided by the Divine Force, and are preparing for an attack!
NEVER FEAR, FOR THE NEWLY-CHRISTENED SECRET TRIBE OF POTATO-HUNTING COMMUNIST TAPIRS SHALL BE THERE TO THE RESCUE UNTIL THE VERY BITTER END!!!!!!
Introduction
The potatoes are watching us! We have to lie low for the moment, and cannot report on any new movements.
Our intelligence has uncovered an extremely dangerous piece of information. THE POTATOES HAVE A NEW WEAPON!!!!
According to our sources, the potatoes have invested billions of dollars (in oxygen currency) and time to produce such a dastardly device.
The technique used to produce the weapons is extremely high-tech, such that nobody would ever think of it. However, this technique could only be summed up in a single statement: buying from a shop.
The Divine Force has managed to produce a picture of such a weapon. So dangerous it is that it is not advisable to view the picture without wearing any form of eye protection.
Once again, thanks to The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Tapirs, evil has once again been outmanoeuvred and outsmarted by the sheer intellect, cunning and nobility of the Tapirs.
LONG LIVE THE TRIBE!!!!!
Please note that this is a blog and thus will be constantly updated. Please remember to check back frequently for updates on the devious schemes of the potatoes as well as the heroic triumph of the Tribe.
Please also remember to view my profile, because it is absolutely amazing.
High up in the mountains of Fiji, it has been said that potatoes are building a powerful force, preparing to launch a global offensive. Though this information has not been fully confirmed as being true, our sources cannot be identified. When questioned, the Fiji Government has said that potatoes do not grow in Fiji.
Though this is obviously untrue, as potatoes are able to thrive in any climate (EVIL!), we shall continue to gather more evidence and scout the area for more signs of suspicious activity.
To the general public: DO NOT FEAR!
The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Tapirs shall continue to uphold justice throughout the world. Rest assured, we shall endeavour to carefully investigate this matter with utmost seriousness.
Evil has many forms and guises. One of the most deadly forms is that of delicious fried food. All consumers, beware. Thanks to the Almighty Truth, we have been provided with pictures of the source of this particular potato hideout.
Yes, indeed. It is McDonald's!!!
Our sources have fully detailed the ploy on how the potatoes work. Consumers would eat fries, which are actually potatoes in disguise (who would have know that?), and would thus be mind-controlled by the potatoes. These cruel spuds have allegedly been in cahoots with Ronald McDonald, who has gone into hiding, in order to insidiously carry out such a surreptitious operation. Once again, thanks to the Almighty Truth, an efficient and powerful tracking device has been launched to locate the dastardly criminal. This cutting-edge technology, called Wanted Poster, is so avant garde that no human mind may ever hope to even perceive how it works or looks like. Below is a picture of this piece of the space-age ingenuity:-
Yes, indeed. Ronald McDonald has also been charged with other crimes done towards humanity.
BUT, back to the grave situation at hand.
Responding quickly, the Tribe sent a squad of suicide-bomber Tapirs as well as a fleet of nuclear-bomber Tapirs to deal with the main restaurant --- the McDonald's headquarters of all evil!
On the signal given, the Tapir suicide bombers, wrapped in sticks of dynamite, threw themselves into the restaurant via all doors and windows while Tapir snipers began shooting at all the evil customers who had been brainwashed by the fried potatoes. To put an end to all the needless chaos, destruction and death the potatoes had caused, the Tapir nuclear bombers quickly dropped a few nuclear bombs to finish off the last of the fried potatoes.
Once again, thanks to The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Potatoes, disaster and destruction has been completely averted. Thanks to the Divine Force, a picture has been provided to show what a wonderful and gloriously peaceful place the world has become after the Tapirs wiped out the McDonald's conspiracy.
Also thanks to the peace-making actions of the Tribe, the rest of the McDonald's restaurants have been made pure with no more fried potato conspiracies. As shown by the following picture provided by the Almighty Truth, consumers are now extremely appeased and satisfied with McDonald's.
Remember: The Secret Tribe of Potato-Hunting Tapirs will never resort to any form of violence, except when absolutely necessary.
Reports had stated that the Grand Canyon was where the potatoes had their one of their training bases. We had estimated that the Grand Canyon was where the potatoes trained younger potatoes to become full-blown terrors.
Responding immediately, the Tribe quickly dispatched a team of Ninja Tapirs to deal with these horrors. This team consisted of highly intelligent and observant Tapirs who are well-trained in many forms of world-renowned Martial Arts, such as Panic Attack, Scream & Cry and Run For Your Life.
Reaching the Canyon within a mere year from one of our bases, located inside the Hoover Dam (which is situated in a part of the Black Canyon, which is also a part of the Grand Canyon), using the highly efficient method, which no human is able to use yet, --- crawling, the team began to scout the area for any signs of Starchy Menace.
Finally, our extremely astute Tapirs had located the training ground. In an EXTREMELY COORDINATED attack which took an agonizing 4 seconds to plan, the Tapirs quickly launched themselves of the cliff in one screaming group in order taken the potatoes by surprise.
BUT LO!
The deviously cunning had fooled us. At the bottom of the cliff lay no potato training facility but an extremely unexpected death trap of pointed stones.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR-RRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG-GGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-
HHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so, the potatoes had once again outsmarted us with a field of rock, dearly costing us the lives of our dear Tapir Ninjas. . .
NEVER AGAIN SHALL WE FALL TO THE TENDRILS OF THE POTATOES!!
WE SHALL COMMAND AND CONQUER!!! WE SHALL DESTROY ALL FORMS OF POTATOES!!!!!
TO AVENGE OUR TAPIR NINJAS!!!! LONG-LIVE THE SECRET TRIBE OF POTATO-HUNTING TAPIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is a potato. That is evil. Evil in its purest form.Why is it evil?
Look at all the starch! Starchy death contained in a single vessel! The demonic energy that permeates every cell via osmosis and diffusion! The pure evil of polysaccharides and their inability to pass through cell surface membranes! The Eyes! The eyes from where buds spring forth to wrap their tendrils of doom around innocent victims! The doom which potatoes rain down upon the Universe! The terror of excessive carbohydrates which assault the soul-essence of every living being that moves and breathes! THE POTATO HELL WHICH ALL THE EARTH IS CONDEMNED TO! THE ETERNAL CURSE OF AN ALL-POTATO DIET WHICH WILL GREATLY DAMAGE SOCIETY, CIVILIZATION AND ALL OF POSTERITY!
WHO WILL SAVE FROM THIS ARROW THAT FLIES BY DAY AND TERROR WHICH HAUNTS THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT?!? WHO SHALL RESCUE US IN THE LAST HOUR FROM THE PERILOUS CLUTCHES OF THE NIGHTSHADE DEMONS WHO ETERNALLY TORMENT AND PERSECUTE US WITH THEIR SOLANINE DEEDS?
And I say to thee, THE SECRET TRIBE OF POTATO-HUNTING TAPIRS WILL SAVE US!!!
That is just an example of what an AVERAGE tapir looks like. To protect the identity of the chosen ones who have been apprenticed to the Tribe, real pictures of the Tribe in action can not be revealed.
The Tribe does not hunt for potatoes but actually hunts potatoes. From unarmed combat to modern weaponry, the Tribe shall ceaselessly fight to destroy potatoes and not just capture them.
And so, dear reader, please remember that all POTATOES are EVIL! BUT FEAR NOT, FOR THE SECRET TRIBE OF POTATO-HUNTING TAPIRS SHALL SAVE YOU!!!!
0